Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
