This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
