your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
