I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
