Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
