I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
