I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
