thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
