Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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