Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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