Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
