Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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