Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
