the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
