I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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