I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
