what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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