If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
