Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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