Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
