I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
