she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
