exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
