I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
