I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
