I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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