I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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