That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
