Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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