Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
