no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
