I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
