I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
