I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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