I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
