Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
