If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
