there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
