Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
