i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
