You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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