I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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