god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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