Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
