i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How naked do you want me to be?
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