There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
