Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
