I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
