you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
