Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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