Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
