Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
