So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
