I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
