idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will pee on everything he values.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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