who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
