dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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